Letter to My 34 Year Old Son, etc.

Hi Freeloader,

Remember me? I’m your roommate.

Yes, your roommate.

What? You thought I was your mother? Well it would seem that way. I do have to tell you to clean up after yourself, make sure you wash your dishes when your done and do your laundry.

You do know that leaving your clothes in the washer doesn’t mean that they automatically get done. Same with leaving them in the dryer. Just because they all end up folded (when Ireland does it) or piled up on your bed (when I do it, I don’t really care about your wrinkles) doesn’t mean that it magically appears that way. No matter how many times we tell you that you need to FINISH your laundry, every weekend it is the same thing.

I know you lived with your parents until last year when you moved in here and your sister left you in the care of us. So basically you traded one set of parents for a new set, at least thats what you think. We pay your rent, do your laundry, pick up after you and I’m FUCKING SICK OF IT.

Take care of yourself. You are 34 years old. I shouldn’t have to hold your hand and take care of you. I’m only 26 and I may be amazing but last time I checked, it was impossible to conceive and have a baby before you are even a twinkle in your own parents eyes. So stop thinking we are your parents and TAKE SOME RESPONSIBILITY.

Your very angry roommate who is currently doing your laundry,

Ashley

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Dear Suffolk University,

Thank you for your honorary MBA! Unfortunately, I don’t think I you usually give out free ones, especially to students who never attended, much less applied, to your school. However you keep sending me emails about the information session i MUST attend tomorrow in order to graduate on tuesday from the Sawyer Business School. I wish I could say it was spam but they have my entire name included in the email and seem to really believe I’m graduating.

Maybe I should go. After all they really seem to want me to graduate from there.

All Gradumacated Already,

Ashley

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Dear Kid Rock,

You used to seem to rock and be a real bad ass right? So what the fuck is with the new song? Not only does it NOT rock, you totally ruined your version of Sweet Home Alabama.

Yes I know its not an exact remake. But theres still elements of that song in there and its awful.

I know I’ve never really been a fan but I do know your hard edge sound and your penchant for midgets and strippers. I even kind of liked some of your songs. But All Summer Long? Seriously?

Please rethink what you are singing. Because it only sounds like you just sold out to make top 40 crap. (Not that I don’t like top 40 crap, I love it, but yours? Not so much. Stick to what you do best)

–Me