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Who Ordered This Life?

When we are younger we always dream about how our life is going to be. Along the way we change our expectations depending on our experiences and the maturity gained throughout the years. We dream, we set goals. Sometimes we succeed, other times we fail. Life is constantly changing, and it never really turns out just the way you planned. It may not be what you expected, but it may just turn out to be better than what you had planned out for yourself.

I’m 26 and i never planned on being in school for 7 and a half years. I didn’t plan on being an interior designer. I never dreamed I’d get to live in NYC and have experienced as much as I have. I never imagined my family to turn out to be cool. When I was 8 I thought my friends I had then would be with me forever. When I was 14 I had dreams of going to UCLA not FIT. When I was 16, I thought I would be married by the ripe old age of 22, have kids and live in the suburbs. When I was 22 I thought I was going to be married by 26 to my boyfriend, live in CT the rest of my life and thought my life was set. But things change.

The life I ordered turned out to not be what i wanted. I didn’t want to live in CT for the rest of my life, I didn’t want to have children with my boyfriend and I didn’t want to be in that relationship any longer. So I exchanged it for the life I have now: that of serial dating, big cities and uncertainties. I find myself taking a look at the life I ordered and deciding if i want to keep it, or trade it up for a better one.

Life is constantly evolving and I’m just trying to keep up.

“Things never turn out exactly the way you planned. I know they didn’t with me. Still, like my father used to say, ‘Traffic’s traffic, you go where life takes you’ and growing up happens in a heartbeat. One day you’re in diapers, the next you’re gone, but the memories of childhood stay with you for the long haul. I remember a time a place, a particular fourth of July, the things that happened in that decade of war and change. I remember a house like a lot of houses, a yard like a lot of yards, on a street like a lot of other streets. I remember how hard it was growing up among people and places I loved. Most of all, I remember how hard it was to leave. And the thing is, after all these years I still look back in wonder.”

15 Comments leave one →
  1. October 7, 2007 8:33 pm

    oooh. I love this. A fellow ID here commiserating with your fabulousness.

  2. October 23, 2007 8:19 am

    You know, I’ve been here forever but I think this is the first time I’ve read this. Scratch that. This IS the first time I’ve read this. I’d remember. It’s beautiful.

  3. distracted spunk permalink
    October 24, 2007 5:46 pm

    First time I’ve seen this. Beautiful.

  4. November 5, 2007 8:05 pm

    This is so fantastically well written…

  5. November 15, 2007 3:03 am

    Nice presentation! Who did order my life? Hmmm…

  6. December 21, 2007 10:17 pm

    Ah yes… I also exchanged my life for a life of uncertainty. It’s not always an easy process, but it has to be for the best! It HAS to be… good luck to you!

    • May 22, 2012 2:45 am

      Scientists and engineers … use PCs. As a wonrkig physicist, I can tell you that the foregoing is nonsense. The budget people like PCs because they have lower front-end costs, and they really don’t care what happens to you after that. Those in my department (which is part of a Research I university) who don’t have to satisfy the budget wonks and can buy equipment based on their needs and on quality all have Macs. Others (the less-well funded) have frequently bought Macs out of pocket.

  7. Atherton Bartelby permalink
    April 21, 2008 11:43 pm

    I just found your blog this morning via Google Reader, which usually “discovers” unadulterated crap for me, but in the case of your blog “discovered” a true gem. I am loving your writing and working my through your archive of experiences. I hope you don’t mind I’ve added you to my blog roll, as you are all levels of awesome.

  8. August 13, 2008 5:24 pm

    I am also 25 and finishing the last semester of grad school – been going since I graduated h.s. It’s time to be finished. I thought I would have done a lot more than I have and I have done a lot more than I thought in this life. I can’t wait to see what’s next.

  9. September 17, 2008 7:29 pm

    That was a great read. I’m so glad I stumbled across your blog – you are very perceptive.

    Mind if I link to you? 🙂

  10. Madame Tree permalink
    November 27, 2008 11:20 am

    I literally stumbled across your blog. I still haven’t figured out who exactly you are only having read one post, but this particular piece started a ringing bell in my 60 year old head. Resonating is painful sometimes. I found myself wanting to read you further.

  11. Sindhu permalink
    May 6, 2009 12:13 pm

    This is Sindhu (again) coming by to say hi. 🙂 I have moved to a new blog – would love for you to come by and check it out sometime.

    Looks like things are well with you here!

  12. Nicole permalink
    September 27, 2009 11:28 pm

    Just stumbled on your blog, I love seeing other twenty-somethings wandering through life like me!

  13. December 26, 2009 8:51 am

    I’m 50. When I was 18 I had no idea what I wanted to do. That continued until I was about 23, then I just thought I knew what I wanted to do. Fortunately there are no fixed rules about how to get to an interesting life.

    I’ve managed to make a decent living, travel the entire world and had the following jobs; salesman, accountant, CFO, COO, operations manager, consultant and data visualization guru. They were all fun. When I got bored, I changed jobs.

    Warning, this is tough on your spouse, especially when you have kids. But, we’ve managed to stay married for nearly 23 years.

    Life is an adventure. Planning too far ahead is fun but you will probably change your mind.

  14. March 20, 2011 11:02 am

    I hear you sister,

    I have been desperately trying to return my life and buy a better one for quite sometime. I recently embarked on a whole new mission where I would try and become ermm..a Goddess. So far I have to be honest and say things are not going my way (understatment of the decade).
    Come and check out my blog


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